Can conflict strengthen relationships?

I am still thinking about the idea of being a change agent. One insight came from my last blog; it was the idea of taking the risk of being misunderstood to ensure that the overall goal or result is visible. That lead me to think about conflict.

Conflict is rampant in our lives, causing hurt, anger and bitterness.  Unresolved issues and unfulfilled expectations leave people, emotions, and relationships torn.    Mediation offers one alternative; however settlements and agreements often cannot restore trust or rebuild broken bonds. So how can conflict strengthen relationships? and how can we find ways to learn and grow through conflict to rebuild trust.

One key tool that we use at Catch Your Limit is Patrick Lencioni’s 5 Dysfunctions of a Team. I was thrilled this past week when witnessing the power of teamwork. The basis of Lencioni’s book are 5 criteria; Trust, Conflict, Commitment, Accountability and Results. During a team presentation on conflict the fear of being misunderstood, ostracized and/or labeled was a feeling most of the team had felt. Like Lencioni, I strongly believe that people can engage in positive conflict. Yes conflict in any form can be uncomfortable, especially if you are trying to avoid personal conflict. I reminded the team that if you take the approach that we mean no harm when engaging in conflict, and we have trust as a foundation of our teamwork, conflict is a worthwhile tool for all of us to understand. Conflict can strengthen relationships because it creates lively discussion, extracts ideas, minimizes side-bar conversations and hopefully results in solving issues quickly.

How do you engage in positive conflict? Establish ground rules and/or rules of conflict engagement. Take away the potential for personal conflict. In teams you can have written guidelines or ground rules, in my role as a change agent I established personal ground rules to guide myself through the challenge of conflict:

• I will continue to have a positive attitude and be respectful listening to others.
• I will try to make it easier for the other person to want to stay in conversation with me by creating opportunity for resolution.
• I will value initiative and encourage ideas.
• I will remember that my overall goal is to awaken hearts and minds of others.
• I will manage my conflict triggers and identify and understand threats.

So I will continue to take the risk of being misunderstood and sometimes engage in positive conflict and continue my journey. As Albert Einstein said ’in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.’

><(("> Emma Good

Emma is a ><(("> Team member at Catch Your Limit, a management firm with offices in Tallahassee, FL and Richmond, VA. To learn more, visit www.catchyourlimit.com.